My cousin’s daughter is usually lovely, sweet-natured and easy-going, but today? No.
She’s marrying this June and for logistic reasons, she’s chosen to marry in London instead of her parents’ home town up north. Many of her fiancé’s family would be coming over from Australia (most of his relatives left the UK for Australia during late 1980s). So to her, it makes sense to have them arriving at London airports and staying at various relatives and friends’ houses in London.
When I heard this plan from my cousin (her mother), I half-expected her to call to ask us to have her fiance’s relatives staying at ours. My guess was right, but not in a way I expected.
(Note: Anna has a whole top floor – a bedroom, a living room/kitchen and a bathroom – to herself, which we treat as her ‘flat’. None of us, not even the mites, would go up there without her permission. It’s my decision to impose this rule. Anna spends nearly 24/7 with us, the family, so I strongly feel it’s essential for her to have her own space where none of us can enter without her permission.)
(Hannah quickly asks if we could have some relatives stay at our place from Thursday evening to Monday morning. I agree.)
Her: Mark’s parents, sisters and their boyfriends will arrive at 7PM and I’ll drive them to your place at maybe 8PM. OK?
Me: (uncertain) OK… but how many people?
Her: (impatiently) Eight.
Me: I’m not too sure. There are five of us here and there’s your… eight? It’ll be a bit –
Her: (annoyed) You have a big house. I have been there. Thirteen people can fit in.
Me: Well, no-
Her: It’ll be fine!
Me: We’re talking thirteen people and three cats, plus my broth-
Her: Put your sons in your room. Four in one bedroom, right, and Anna can stay at a B&B nearby and Mark’s parents can stay in her place –
Me: No. It’s off-limits. No one can stay there.
Her: It’s your house.
Me: Yes, and that’s why I’m telling you no.
Her: Anna can stay –
Me: No.
Her: Don’t you think you’re being selfish here?
Me: Funny, I was thinking the same of you. Must be our genes.
(pause)
Her: (sulky) Why are you doing this, Auntie?
Me: I’m sorry, but well, that’s how it is.
Her: Put Anna in a B&B. I’ll pay.
Me: No.
Her: I said I’ll pay!
Me: I heard you the first time. And I said no.
Her: Why not?
Me: Because it’s her place. Off-limits. Look-
Her: She’s only a fucking nanny! We’re YOUR family!
Me: She’s not “only a fucking nanny”. She’s part of the family.
Her: SHE’S FUCKING NOT!
Me: Watch where you’re talking to.
(tense pause)
Her: (coldly) Do you realise you’re ruining my plans? I promised them Anna’s place, you know.
Me: You shouldn’t have done that without consulting me first.
Her: Didn’t you hear what I said? I told them they’ll have a flat of their own for the weekend! From home to home!
Me: Like I said, you shouldn’t have promised without consulting me first. And it’s still a no.
(pause)
Her: You definitely won’t let us use the flat? Definitely?
Me: I can ask Will if we could use his office and TV room as Mark’s parents’ rooms and -
Her: Couldn’t you ask her?
Me: No.
Her: Why not?
Me: Because it’s not fair on her and us.
(pause)
Her: Give me her phone number.
Me: No.
Her: Fine.
Me: You’ll be in deep crap if I find out you went behind my back. In fact, I won’t let any of Mark’s family stay here if you were stupid enough to do that.
Her: She won’t mind!
Me: Anna and her flat are strictly off limits, do you understand?
Her: (flatly) You’re ruining my plans, Auntie.
Me: Don’t be silly.
Her: YOU ARE!
Me: Oh, for god’s sake…
Her: YOU ARE! YOU’RE RUINING MY FUCKING WEDDING! YOU’RE RUINING MY WEDDING! HOW DARE YOU?
Me: Call back when you calm d-
Her: (*sob*)
Me: Hannah…
Her: You’re ruining my wed(*voice cracks*)ding! You aaare…! (*sob*) I have no-wheeeeere to put my in-laws! (*sob*) I need Anna’s shitty flat. I NEED IT! (*crying*) Please? Pleeeease? (*sob*) Please, Auntie. Don’t ruin my wed-ding, please!
Me: Your in-laws can stay in our bedroom.
Her: I want Anna’s flat.
Me: No.
Her: FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, “DEAREST AUNTIE”! FUCK YOU VERY MUCH! FUCK YOU! (*hangs up*)
Pfft.
I never had that kind of conversation with anyone before. So scary. 
I know her well enough to know she’ll apologise once she calmed down. (Well, I hope so.) God, that was one scary moment. Her voice towards the end became quite bizarre. A mixture of desperation, hysterics, neediness, pure rage and random blasts of little-girl-voice.
I have read and heard about Bridezillas and all, but I thought it was a joke. It was real. It is real.
Gah. I need a stiff drink to steady my nerves.
EDITED: She apologised. Profusely. Aw, bless her.
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