A quick post. I just got back from a corner shop and my jaw is still hanging open.
Earlier I was editing a friend’s manuscript when I suddenly had a craving for an ice lolly so I nipped down to the corner shop.
While I was studying a range of ice lollies through the glass freezer, a male teenager – in faded jeans, navy blue converse boots and a ‘street-wise’ jacket – appeared at my side. He’s at my height, around 5′ 7″. Thinking that he wanted a look as well, I took a step away to give him some room next to the freezer.
HIM: Hey.
ME: (not realising)
HIM: Hey up!
ME: (looks at the boy)
HIM: (grin)
ME: Sorry?
HIM: Wicha buyin’? (a nod at the freezer)
ME: Oh… um, I haven’t decided. (looks at the freezer)
HIM: You alone?
ME: Excuse me?
HIM: You on your own? (grin)
(His smile finally twigs me on that he’s attempting to pick me up)
ME: Do I know you?
HIM: You will, later. (grin)
ME: How old are you?
HIM: Doesn’t matter, innit.
ME: How old are you?
HIM: (shrugs) Twenty five.
ME: Yeah, right.
HIM: I’m twenty-four. I swear.
ME: Which year were you born?
HIM: (hesitates) 1985.
HIM: (winces) Ah no, 1986…. Yeah, 1986!
ME: …
HIM: OK, OK. Twenty.
ME: …
HIM: Twenty.
ME: …
HIM: On scout.
ME: (snorts) Excuse me. (looks at the freezer)
HIM: How old are you, then? (crosses his arms and leans back slightly, giving me the ‘bring it on’ eye)
ME: Old enough to be your mother.
HIM: (laughs) No prob wiv me.
(pause)
HIM: … how old?
ME: Thirty six.
HIM: Wh… bull-shit!
ME: (picks up a strawberry ice lolly)
HIM: Fuck! (short pause) Nah… Nah! You fuckin’ wiv me! [Of] course you were! You… ehh, I dunno… twenty five?
ME: (laughs) All right, I’d better go. Cheers.
HIM: Wait, wait. Your age… I’m cool wiv it.
ME: I’m not. Neither will my husband.
HIM: No prob if we keep it on toes.
ME: I don’t play away. (looks at him up and down) Honestly, how old are you? Tell the truth.
HIM: What?
ME: I’m curious. Please?
HIM: …
ME: …
HIM: … Eighteen.
ME: …
HIM: (mumbles)
ME: Sorry?
HIM: Thirteen.
ME: (jaw drops)
The boy seemed so cocky and self-assured. Tall for his age, too. There was this softness to his face that clued me in that he wasn’t at a college age. Considering his cockiness, I thought he might be around sixteen. I really had no idea he was only thirteen. I really am old enough to be his mother!
If I did my maths right, the oldest mite will reach this boy’s age in seven years’ time. Seven years’ time! Just seven fucking years. This completely and seriously unnerves me.
I’m going to buy two strong locks for the mites’ rooms. I wonder if it’s possible to microchip them as well? Or a boarding school where they will be sheltered until adulthood? Will, J.R., Nick, Bunny and Ranjit survived their school just fine so we might as well to chuck our mites into the system. A microchip might be better. Hm, will Google.
Ha! You’re officially a MILF!
I’m sticking my girl in a closet until college. It’s the only way I think that I’ll survive the teen years.
I am torn between horror and amusement. I’ll decide which when I pick my jaw off the floor!
Eek! Take it as a compliment. Teenagers usually think anyone over the age of thirty is Near Death.
LOL :X You’re a hot mama!
Also… so so glad I don’t have kids :X though with the hoodbrat rate most of them will have their own kids in 4-5 years T_T (they’re in 4th and 5th grade, dammit.)
Hah!
Bet he had to ask his mum’s permission to go to the shops in the first place!Thanks for the laugh.
My son is 12 and I am going to have to seriously reconsider where I let him go!
I just saw this. I’m sorry. I am laughing so hard that tears are running down my face. Thank you for brightening my day!