NB: I’m in an extremely bad mood, due to the snow, cancellations, work and such. Hence this whinefest, bitchiness and lack of humour. Excuse me.

I just read an outline from a hopeful and it just makes me want to cry. Here is it. Misspellings and all. (I’ve removed the character’s name to avoid having it identified.)

The Western Front in Franch 1919.

CHARACTER NAME of a Britsh platoon faces the biggest challange of his life…
….
….
the worlds most powerful and most superme army…
….
….
NAZI ZOMBIES OF THE THIRD REICH!

Why do you do this to me, hopeful? Nazism in the First World War? 1919, a year after WWI ended? Franch? Britsh? Superme? And those ellipses? Are you a descendant of Dame Barbara or something?

And you know what pisses me off the most? I have to work with you on this. If I was still in my old job, I’d kick you and your crappy proposal out of my life in two seconds. The reality is that I’m working for the client who seems to love your crappy proposal.

And also, the idea of fact-checking something like this just makes me want to

*headdesk*

*headdeskheaddesk*

*headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*

Right now, I feel like a drunk elephant dancing on the head of a pin and ready to kill someone. Namely you. In my head, of course.

I don’t know why I’m wound up and so unreasonably sensitive. The kind where books and films fail to distract or relax me. And the kind that will produce headlines like “Trampling across the snowy hills, a senseless cow screams incoherently and, with a penknife, stabs a few street lamps along the way”. I can’t believe how tired and wound up I feel. I’m a little concerned, actually. I have too much work to do and I won’t get any done when I’m like this.

Change of subject: Cliques on blogs, twitter and message boards

For a long time – years, in fact – I didn’t understand why some newbies thought some blogs or hang outs were such a bunch of cliques. Well, now I get it. Somewhat.

As you know, I recently had to change my online name to get away from that dickhead. This does mean erase seven years’ worth of history under M a i l i (I used my working name before this), but I wasn’t bothered. I figured regulars would either figure it out by recognising my writing or don’t give a fuck. It’s fine either way. So I became FiaQ.

And man, it was an experience I didn’t expect to have.

Not knowing who I was, some regulars responded to my comments/questions just the same and some regulars ignored my responses. When I made it clear somehow that I was M a i l i, they responded warmly, which deepened my surprise. It made realise what the others may have experienced.

Even so, it still doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing.

I mean when you move to a new area, you don’t expect neighbours to welcome you as their newest best friend, do you? They need time to get know to you and you them. So I still think the ‘clique’ charge is unwarranted in this respect.

I now can see how some may feel left out or ignored when their comments or questions are ignored. Or when regulars talk about something that seems to be an inside joke or secret code.

I’m hoping desperately that I didn’t do this to the others, but I suspect I did sometimes. I like to think it was due to lack of time and laziness than rudeness. I think this applies to some others.

It also reminded me that everyone has to make an effort by posting regularly, giving the others a chance to get know their online personalities and tastes. Under M a i l i, I had a decade’ worth of opportunities for the others to get know to me whereas as FiaQ, I have zero, which makes me a newbie to many.

After this experience, it’s likely I won’t be so dismissive towards the complaints about being ignored. I’d probably dish out the same advice I gave for years: post more often, engage in more discussions, take it easy, don’t worry about what others think of them, just write about what it interests them, and their opinions aren’t right or wrong. Don’t worry if a book that everyone loved so much isn’t their cup of tea.

It’s made me realise I have to work hard again, building my ‘history’ under FiaQ. Half of me feels “Fuck that, I’ll just announce I’m M a i l i, the hell with the consequences” and the other half of me thinks “Oh, that’ll teach me to be humble and learn to grow from scratch”. Laziness vs adventure, basically.

I have to be honest: it affects my ego sometimes when a regular assumed I was a newbie. She lectured at me about a book, the comm or whatnot. I have to admit: it seriously pissed me off. It’s made me realise this is how some long-time lurkers and “newbies” might feel. I’m definitely guilty of this charge. Too many times, in fact. Do me a favour; next time I do this, slap me. Slap me really hard, all right?

All that said, I was disappointed in myself. A newbie last year complained about the rudeness of a regular, whom I adored, and I thought she talked crazy. The regular was one of friendliest and most responsive people I knew online. Yeah, I didn’t believe the newbie. I think I was even patronising by saying she could be too sensitive, just relax and enjoy. I was so wrong to say that. Well, not wrong, but I could at least not assume the fault lay with her and her alone. I was wrong about that, definitely, especially after learning that under FiaQ, not only the regular completely ignored a repeated question I made, she was surprisingly rude.

Figured that she missed the Q twice in a week, I said “My poor question will die of starvation if you don’t answer” (about a review on her blog) and she (finally) responded, something along the line of “I’m busy”. But she was joking and chatting with the others during this time. It wasn’t a hard question, either. If she had the time to say “I’m busy”, then she certainly had the time to say “yes”, “no” or “I don’t know”. I was annoyed enough to say, “Come on, don’t be such a cow and answer the bloody Q.” She didn’t respond.

Later this day, I posted a response on a different blog accidentally under M a i l i, this regular wrote a response along the line of “Where have you been?! I miss you so much!” She didn’t seem to realise I was FiaQ. Two completely different responses to – unknown to this regular, obviously – one person with two different names in one day. It left me honestly nonplussed. I now can see why some found her rude, but in spite of this hic-cup, I still adore her.

Like I said, I still don’t believe there are ‘cliques’, but I do now believe that people treat people differently. I still think, though, that sometimes it’s a case of timing. Not everyone saw responses or questions immediately, so it’s a good idea to wait a day or so, or repeat at a later date.

Also, right or wrong, some don’t have much spare time so they prioritise friends over strangers. It makes sense if you think about it. I still think one shouldn’t take it personally, though. While I was annoyed with that regular during that moment, I didn’t take it personally. It’s just the way the Internet is.

While I’m having a great time as FiaQ, I feel guilty changing names without notice and about people talking to me without realising who I am. It felt dishonest sometimes. I wonder if authors felt this way about pen names? I mean what if a former school friend wrote you a gushy fan letter without realising you were the one she used to bully at school? Heh! That would make a good story, actually.

Gah, I really can’t wait for March to come. I’m on my knees hoping that that dickhead will get sacked soon. He screwed up a work project last week and the head manager still isn’t happy.