At a corner shop a customer, who was standing in front of me in the queue, wanted to purchase a weekly travelcard from the newsagent. She had no idea that she’d be walking into Surrealland. Neither did the rest of us in the queue. This is how it went down:
Customer: A weekly travelcard, please.
Newsagent: From today or tomorrow?
Newsagent: For tomorrow.
Newsagent: Today for tomorrow, yeah?
Customer: No, I want it today.
Newsagent: You want your travelcard today, starting tomorrow?
Customer: No, I want it today, starting today.
Newsagent: It’s quarter to eight.
Customer: Er, I know.
Newsagent: So…(pause) Today?
Newsagent: Today for today?
Customer: Yes, today.
Customer: Oh, for god’s sake! I lost my bloody travelcard today! That’s why I’m buying a bloody replacement today. I want to go home today, have supper today , and watch TV with my family today. So please for heaven’s sake, hear me this: YES, TODAY!
Newsagent: All right, all right. Steady on, love. All right. Let’s see… *keying the machine*… Starting from today… Definitely today?
Customer: (sighs wearily) Yes.
Newsagent: All right. Won’t be a sec. *keying the machine* Starting to-day. Nope to tom-mor-row. (sings softly) ~#People are strange when you’re a stranger, faces look ugly when you’re alone, women seem wicked…#~